September is National Suicide Prevention Month and today is World Suicide Prevention Day.  I want to talk about this issue because in my youth I had thoughts of suicide.  Looking back 20 years later I don’t know how serious I was then.  I do  know the thoughts were there and kept entering my mind.

As a teen my parents divorced.  My father was the sole provider and when he divorced my mom it felt like he divorced me, my brother and sister too.  I don’t know if he felt that he couldn’t afford to support us or if he just didn’t want to but his lack of support left all four of us homeless.  We were forced to move in with family.  I felt they way we were treated created a horrible situation in an already stressful time in my life.  I wanted to die.

I always lived life as person who treats people well.  Being in a situation were I felt I was being treated very bad I couldn’t deal with it.  I felt like I couldn’t really talk to my mom about my issues.  She was dealing with being a mother of 3 without any income.  She had been a stay-at-home mother who  occasionally worked at Christmas time to get my brother and I gifts.  To add to that my sister was a newborn when my father left.  I also know she was dealing with a broken heart in seeing her marriage fall about.

I’m thankful that I had living angels around to help my family.  People like my cousin Keisha and her mom.  They had me over so such it was like I lived with them.  I’m grateful for the love they poured on me when I was at what felt like my lowest point as a child.

The thought of ending your life is a thought that many people deal with and the feeling can be overwhelming.  I made the choice to live because I didn’t want to see my family in more pain in having to deal with my death.  I know some people can’t look pass their own pain to see how the loss of their life would harm others.  I’m here to say that life does get better.  The pain of today will slowly get better and you can find happiness again.

It’s ok to seek help the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  Please call 1-800-273-8255  or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org for help.  If your need is general mental health care you can reach out to SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline at 1‑877‑726‑4727 to get general information on mental health and locate treatment services in your area. You can speak to a live person, Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST at that number or online at mentalhealth.gov.

There is no shame in getting help for mental health issue!

I’m glad I made the choice to live.  I’m living a blessed life.  My family and friends are a great source of love and support for me.  I think about that young girl from my past and I’m thankful I didn’t let her end my bright future.

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Thank you Rachell of eattheburbs for taking these amazing photos.

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You can follow this blog on Bloglovin here.  Also lately I’ve be doing most of my posting on snapchat@fatgirl_fashion. My snapchat friends were the first to know about the location I selected for my blog’s 3rd year anniversary brunch that happened on June 12th. They saw first hand my Beyonce’s Formation tour experience, and my NYC trip for theCurvycon.  I was in L.A. in August for BlogHer & some fun in the sun.  Then off to ATL for TCFStyleExpo.  Be sure to follow me on snapchat so you don’t miss any of the action.  thefatgirloffashion.com can be found on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter also.